cropped salebarnFairview Sale Barn  Fairview, IL

 

Joke of the Week

We appreciate the jokes and/or funny stories.  Please keep them coming:  debi1948@gmail.com

 

 

  

Once upon a time there was this guy who bought a hang glider and took it out to the mountains to fly it. He was cruising along a few hundred feet above the treetops when he spots these two hunters down below. He hollers and waves at them, trying to be sociable.
Suddenly, the hunters look up and they both fire their double barrel shotguns at him.
When the hang glider was out of sight, one of the hunters turns to the other and says "What kinda bird you reckon that was?"
The other hunter replies "I don't rightly know, but I think we hit it."
"How's that?"
"You saw how fast he dropped that man he was caring, didn't ya?

 

 

One Saturday morning, a wife woke up and tried checking her phone before getting out of the bed. After a few minutes of tapping on the phone’s screen, she cursed loud enough to wake up her husband and hurried to the bathroom.
Worried what happened, her husband got out of the bed and followed her into the bathroom only to find her doing her make up frantically.
“What’s the hurry,” he asked. “You just woke up and you’re not going to work today.”
She replied, “I have locked my phone with facial recognition and apparently it’s not recognizing me without my makeup.”

 

 

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in poop up to their necks. The guy says “No, let me see the next room.”
In the second room, people are standing in poop up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing in poop up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, “I pick this room.” Satan says O.K. The guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, “O.K., coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!”

 

 

A man joined a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”
“No,” replied the trainee.
“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”
The trainee shouted back, “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!”
“No,” replied the CEO indignantly.
“Good!” replied the trainee, and put down the phone.

 

 

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

 

 

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, “That was incredible!” He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
“No.” she said, “I was a prostitute in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”


A man came home one day and said to his wife: “Honey, what would you do if I said I’d won the lottery?”
She sneered: “I’d take half and then leave you.”
“Excellent,” he replied. “I hit 3 numbers and won $10. Here’s $5, pack your bags and get out.”